Silence
by Nova Starlight
Summary: Yujiro's reflections on his relationship with Tohru and how he has remained silent about his true feelings. Will he be able to come forward before it is too late. One-Shot


Disclaimer: I do not own Princess Princess, or any of its characters.

"Silence"

By: Nova Starlight

Yujiro Shihoudani stood in front of the full length mirror in his dorm room, assessing his appearance. He reached for the jacket to his school uniform that was on the nearby chair. It seemed unreal that today was graduation day. He had already passed his university entrance exams and his life seemed to be a set path laid out before him. He sighed as he slid the jacket on and pulled his hair out of the way. He ran his fingers through his hair as he stared at himself in the mirror. He had been growing it out for three years and it now reached down the middle of his back. He supposed that he should tie it back for the ceremony. As he was combing through his hair, the door opened.

His best friend Tohru came into the room, already dressed and ready of course. "You are still getting ready?" he asked pretending to be outraged. Yujiro could tell from his smile that he was simply teasing him.

He flashed him his characteristic "princess" smile and replied, "Honestly, you can be so impatient." Then he reached for the clip to hold back his hair and continued, "You should know better than anyone that it takes time to look this good."

Tohru laughed and went to sit down on the bottom bunk bed. The bed was made impeccably, the room seemed sterile now that all of their personal items were packed away in boxes and loaded into their families' cars. "I swear Yujiro, sometimes I feel like the cranky husband…and you are the high maintenance wife," he commented softly as his laughter trailed off.

Yujiro felt his back stiffen and he had to work keep his response from showing. He cautiously used the mirror to look over at Tohru sitting there and watched the way he sat there and found that Tohru's gaze seemed locked on him. There were words that he wanted to say, but none of them would make it to his lips. His natural response to deflect the attention kicked in and he replied, "I'm honored by your marriage proposal but its too early for me to settle down."

He wanted to take the words back as he watched Tohru seem to shut down. He looked down at the floor and after a moment of silence, he looked back at him but his smile seemed sad. Yujiro looked away and tried to concentrate on getting his hair into the clip, but was having trouble. Tohru stood up and approached him. Without asking for permission, he reached out his hands and began to gather Yujiro's hair and removed the clip from his hands. "You know, you should just ask someone to do this for you," Tohru commented.

Yujiro felt himself shiver as Tohru's hands brushed against the back of his neck. He closed his eyes and tried to tune everything out, but it had the opposite effect. As his eyes were closed, his body became even more aware of every little brush of Tohru's fingers. It was all over to quickly and he heard Tohru ask, "How did I do?"

He opened his eyes and could not help but notice that Tohru had that same sad smile on his face as he stood there looking at his reflection. There was a lump in his throat that he had to swallow down before he could respond. "Looks great," Then he laughed. "Of course, I always look great."

Tohru did not laugh this time, he just shook his head. The door opened again and their friend Akira poked his head through the doorway. "Hey guys, just wanted to let you know that your families are waiting downstairs. Tohru smiled at Akira and said, "Okay, I'm coming." He followed Akira out and shut the door behind him. As Yujiro heard the click of the closing door, his shoulders slumped. There had been another chance to tell him the truth; tell him that he was in love with him. They would be graduating today and were bound for different universities. Who knew when they would see each other again. He had lost count of how many chances he had been given to confess his feelings, and every time he instinctively deflected with humor out of his own fear and cowardice. Something told him that he had just missed his last chance. He took one last look at his reflection in the mirror before he turned and left the dorm room he shared with Tohru for the last time.

As he walked slowly through the building, towards the lobby where his family would be waiting, he once again thought about Tohru. He recalled the one and only kiss they had shared. His excuse for that kiss had been convincing Tohru's cousin Sayaka, that the two of them were a couple. He still got a little angry when he thought back on that day and how Sayaka had simply demanded his love and devotion. He had never wanted to slap a girl more in his life. Despite his anger, his true motivation for kissing Tohru was simply that he had been dying to kiss him for a long time. As Sayaka had run off he knew that to everyone around him he had seemed calm and composed. The way he had been able to comment that, "Maybe they would have to do more next time." The truth of the matter was that when the kiss had ended, every nerve in his body seemed to quiver and tingle, and that when he made his comment, he had felt need and anticipation course through his veins. He told himself later that the only reason he did not tell him the truth then and there was because of Mikoto and Akira's presence, but he knew now that he had been deluding himself.

Even when he had talked to Tohru about his family. He had felt the need to diffuse Tohru's concern and care for him. Instead of being able to tell him how much he had appreciated his friendship, or even confess that he wanted much more, he had been playfully cruel. He had smiled and insisted in a mocking tone that Tohru was speaking to him as if they were lovers. Tohru had been embarrassed and backed off immediately. He had thought almost nothing of his reaction then, but now he cursed himself for ruining a wonderful moment. He had to wonder if this type of behavior had caused Tohru to distance himself from him.

He remembered that during the break between freshman and junior year, he had planned that he and Tohru would see each other often. Both of them had returned home to the respective families to mend the gaps, but he had still expected that it would take no time at all for Tohru to call him. The phone never rang, day after day, week after week, he waited. He must have seemed a little depressed about it because his mother had asked him, if he and Tohru had a fight. He had told her they were fine with that fake "princess" smile of his and went up to his room. The look on her face indicated that she wanted to ask something else, but she had remained quiet and simply watched him walk away.

After being ignored for the entire winter break he had no idea what to expect when he returned for junior year. He had certainly not expected Tohru to find him in the crowd of students and give him a big hug. He had been so happy to feel his arms wrapped tightly around him that he had almost cried. When he realized this he had panicked and pulled away. "What are you doing?" he demanded. "You are greeting me like I'm your girlfriend!"

Though the smile had remained on Tohru's face as he backed away, it appeared to change. He had almost seemed disheartened, but Yujiro had no sympathy. At the time had had wanted to lash out at him. Tell him that if he had missed him so damn much he could have picked up a phone and called, but the words were stuck in his throat. Just as he thought he might have been able to say something they were approached by Akira and his shadow Mitaka.

Their junior year they had been roommates again, but Tohru seemed to be different. Not only of course in the physical sense that he seemed to have grown taller during those few weeks apart, but he seemed more and more detached. Yujiro was not bothered by this behavior at first, attributing it to being normal behavior for Tohru. It only began to bother him when it seemed that he was avoiding Yujiro specifically. He would wake up early in the morning and disappear somewhere until classes began. He would choose to spend his evenings studying with Akira and Mitaka; spending less and less time in their room. Then he would return just before curfew and fall into bed, as if he were exhausted.

He remembered that he had wanted to ask him what was wrong, but he never did. Instead he chose to be angry at him for avoiding him and never once tried to find out if something were bothering him. The most thought he had given the situation had been when he considered that maybe Tohru was avoiding him because he had discovered that he was in love with him. For nearly a week he had been in a panic, even gone to Akira and asked him if he knew why Tohru was avoiding him. Akira's expression had been one of surprise, but he also seemed to know something he would not share. His answers to Yujiro's questions were brief and he did not elaborate his answers at all. Was Tohru mad at him? No. Did Tohru think Yujiro was interested in him? No. In the end, he was a little relieved, but he felt that Akira knew more than he was telling.

When it came time for summer break, he had asked Tohru what his plans were. Tohru had told him then that he was going to go home. He considered staying behind in the dorms anyway, even though he would have been alone, but Tohru had insisted that he return home. In the end, he had spent those weeks at home. Most of his time was spent alone in his room. Even though he felt closer to his family now than he used to, he still felt as if he needed someone else to talk to. Just like he had during winter break, he found himself sitting near the phone, and if he had to leave the house for any reason he would check the machine the moment he returned. Close to the end of break he ran in to Mitoko while shopping and found out that Tohru had not gone home. It was funny to him now that Mitoko had seemed so surprised that Yujiro had not known. Apparently everyone else had known that Tohru was not going home for summer break. He had spent the entire summer in their dorm room, with no air conditioner, alone.

Yujiro could not bring himself to confront Tohru about it when he returned for fall semester. He had not even asked how his vacations was for fear that Tohru would reveal the truth. If there was something that he had done that was pushing Tohru away, he did not want to highlight it. He would never admit it out loud, but he was terrified that whatever was making Tohru distance himself would make him cut off all contact with Yujiro, maybe even transfer back to his original school. So, he decided that he would not push, he would take whatever interaction and closeness that Tohru allowed him. Judging by all of these events, he had not expected for Tohru to want to be his roommate again for senior year.

He was pulled from his thoughts as he heard Shinnosuke call out, "Onii-chan!" He looked up to see all of his family waving at him excitedly. It seemed silly to him now that he had once felt that he did not belong. He hugged all of them tightly and laughed as he saw that there were tears in his stepfather's eyes. He tried to hide these as he wiped his eyes and remarked, "We better get going, or we'll be late."

Yujiro could feel tears beginning to sting at his eyes and held them back. "Sure, Dad."

When he called him 'Dad' the floodgates released and his stepfather began to sob. Yujiro's mother shushed him with her usual smile on her face. She looked at Yujiro as if to say, you see how happy you make him. They walked out of the building together as a group and made their way to the auditorium where the graduation ceremony was taking place. Yujiro was seated in his pre-assigned seat and saw that he could see Tohru a few rows in front of him. As the principal and school trustees all took turns giving their speeches, Yujiro's mind drifted back to another memory.

A few months ago, he and Tohru had been working on an assignment together, and he asked him why he did not have a girlfriend. "Why don't _you_ have a girlfriend?" he had asked back.

"We are not discussing me, we are talking about you," he had fired back in a tone that left no room for argument.

"I think its only fair that you answer your own question," he insisted.

He could not look at Tohru as he snapped, "Fine, if you must know, I just have not found the perfect set of tits yet. Now what about you?"

It was silent, and Yujiro finally opened his eyes to see Tohru looking out the window. "I like someone, that doesn't like me back," he mumbled softly.

At the time he had wanted to ask who it was and pray that his answer would be him, but at the same time, he was too scared of what the answer was. Tohru had been spending a lot of time with Akira, if he was in love with any boy, it was most likely him. The thought made his chest hurt and he wanted to break the tension that hung in the air. So, he laughed haughtily and exclaimed, "I know, I know, I am so beautiful that you can not resist me!"

He had expected Tohru to laugh, instead he simply gave his, now typical, sad smile. Then he quickly flashed his own "princess" smile and fell to his knees in front of him. "Oh, how I desire you, Princess Yu-chan!" Then the pair had both burst into laughter.

…

He felt the person next him give him a nudge, and he realized that it was his turn to go up and get his diploma. When he crossed the stage, he looked for Tohru in the crowd. Their eyes met and Tohru was smiling, so he smiled back, but he felt like crying. This was it, the moment had finally come and this was the end. As he made it back to his seat, he made a decision. When the ceremony was over, he was going to find Tohru and tell him the truth. He had wasted too many chances, wasted too much time, he would confess and hope that Tohru returned his feelings. The worst that could happen at this point would be that Tohru would reject him and he would never have to see him again. At the thought of never seeing Tohru again, he felt the tightening in his chest. His nervousness increased as the cermony dragged on and when they were dismissed, he sprang up in his chair.

Within moments the students became lost in a flurry of families as they pushed their way into the crowd to find their children. He tried to stay focused as he worked his way through the mass of people, but he had lost sight of Tohru. He rushed around the grounds, but there was no sign of him.

He finally spotted him in the parking lot, standing by his family's car. He rushed toward him and then Tohru seemed to notice him and he called out, "Congratulations Yujiro!" Then he got into the car and Yujiro was left standing there watching the car fade into the distance.

"I love you," he whispered as he waved goodbye.

The End

Author's Notes: I just wanted to let any confused readers know that I used the Japanese secondary education system for the story's timeline which means that high school is three years (freshman, junior, and senior) and that the new school year begins in April after winter break (trimester system). I'm sure any readers of Princess Princess were already aware of this system. I also used the Princess Princess manga as my inspiration so that I could include the character Mitaka.


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